And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general."
deerhoof played in oberlin last night —- aaaaagghhhh so jealous, wish i’d been there. this song makes me feel soooo gooooood
mark went, and when i talked to him beforehand he said he’d thought deerhoof was “alt country” and now that he knew he was a little nervous :,-)
it’s official c u guys @ commencement woooooooooo !! (feeling prrrretty anxious but also a little excited? it’ll be ok!)
in other news interviewed for a job in new york this morning; i told her i would move to ny tomorrow if necessary (and i kinda mean it), another interview tomorrow
got so much done today in a period of a few short hours — interviewed, scheduled an appt to spay my cat, scheduled an appt to see a new lady, saw my bff sam, drank coffee, scheduled a doctor’s appt, applied to a job …… all pretty intangible things but it felt good! feels good to have a goal again, to work for something, to want something. is that what i’ve been missing all this time ……? year from hell is almost over i can feel it
Depression is hard to understand, because it is not a consistent state. Depression is rather like a virus, but like a virus, it has its manageable days and its acute, life-threatening flare-ups. You can be in a depression and still laugh at a friend’s joke or have a good night at dinner or manage low-level functioning. You grocery shop and stop to pet a puppy on the corner, talk to friends in a café, maybe write something you don’t hate. When this happens, you might examine your day for clues like reading tea leaves in a cup: Was it the egg for breakfast that made the difference? The three-mile run? You think, well, maybe this thing has moved on now. And you make no sudden moves for fear of attracting its abusive attention again.
But other times…
Other times, it’s as if a hole is opening inside you, wider and wider, pressing against your lungs, pushing your internal organs into unnatural places, and you cannot draw a true breath. You are breaking inside, slowly, and everything that keeps you tethered to your life, all of your normal responses, is being sucked through the hole like an airlock emptying into space. These are the times Holly Golightly called the Mean Reds.
I call it White Knuckling it."
"But the stigma of depression is that it comes with the sense that you shouldn’t have it to begin with. That it is self-indulgence or emotional incompetence rather than actual illness."
Gemini: This week you’re going to feel a little vulnerable, maybe; you’re going to feel a little soft, like your heart is so tender, like it’s exposed to the whole world. Do what you can, to spend your time in spaces where this is okay, in places where you’ll be cared for and places where you’ll be defended. Try to spend your days in places where you can wear your feelings written all over your face, where you can move through the world with an open heart, where you can speak your truths.
Extreme Private Eros: Love Song 1974
Scenes from “Seinfeld” (1989-1998) where nothing happens.
A supercut of empty shots.
A New York without people.
David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest (via bluegirls)
hello jake dancy
ich bin dauernd an Beliebheit t tttt t